It's so strange to me to actually think about the difference between what I considered to be faith in the past and what I am steadily learning about faith with each passing day. My faith hasn't been very strong, to tell the truth. I knew about You, Jesus, and believed in You but I rarely trusted in You without fear and doubt clouding my way. Now, I'm trying to believe that not only should I pray to You but I should also trust that You will be faithful to answer those prayers and take care of my life not just in the afterlife but in the very present times of trouble.
This new perspective holds a strange place for me because I know that You are not some cosmic vending machine where we drop in a prayer, throw up a few platitudes then wait for our blessings to be dispensed like a $1.25 bottle of Sprite. That is not what this is about.
To be clear, faith is about the grandest form of love that one can have for another. Jesus, You love me so much that You sacrificed Your very life in place of mine even though I was Your enemy. You have consistently continued to love me even when I have intentionally chosen to disregard that great sacrifice. When I looked at the things You asked me to do and said "No, I don't want to do that or not right now" You have loved me. You continued to love me even though You have shown me things that repeatedly hurt You. You have asked me to stop and yet I have chosen to repeat these same offenses.
With all of that said, here I am, blessed by Your grace and mercy Jesus. I am living, breathing, walking, talking and in my right mind (at least somewhat huh?). I live, breathe, eat and sleep by Your grace when I have done NOTHING that would merit it. I am able to function and excel in this world because Your mercy has kept me from being blasted away like fine dust in an explosion. Yet with all of this favor, I still fail You over and over. I still miss the mark and fall short of what the law says I should be.
"What is man that you consider us so highly my LORD?” What made You create us just lower than the angels but rulers over the world we live in? You have given us Your favor, Your gifts and amazingly, Your very own power.
Don't let me wander from You my LORD. Don't allow me to lose what keeps me in this very place of growth that I am in. This place where I'm learning to trust in my relationship with You instead of a religion that just teaches about You. Without this relationship, death would take me immediately and I would be carried to the very heart of hell… again I say, if it were not for Your grace.
My belief is that You have brought me this far to become something You want me to be. You want me to achieve things that only You can make happen for me so why don't I trust that You are willing to carry me through to the end of this journey? Is it because I am built with flesh and blood but driven by the spirit which lives within me? That spirit must bend and be broken to learn to die to itself daily so Your Holy Spirit can fill the place of leadership. Carry me Jesus, not just through the hard times but even in the good times when I think I can do it on my own. “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all thy ways and He will direct Your paths."
Trust, it doesn't mean that circumstances won't be scary sometimes. It does mean that I will have to lean on what You have already done for me in order to get to the next point of rest. You said trust that You will be here with me in every step through every storm. You said that all power is in Your hand so I can know that whatever the challenge, You can see me through it. Now I will just continue on the journey to the end knowing that I'm not alone and that with Your Holy Spirit within me, I can do all things.